For you formed my inward parts; you knitted me together in my mother's womb.
I praise you, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made.
Wonderful are your works; my soul knows it very well.
My frame was not hidden from you, when I was being made in secret, intricately woven in the depths of the earth.
Your eyes saw my unformed substance; in your book were written, every one of them, the days that were formed for me, when as yet there was none of them.
Babies--they are so precious.
I know not if I will ever be a mother. I know not if I will ever experience what if feels like to have a human being intricately woven inside of me. I long to . . . I desire to . . . but, I know not.
For now, I must be content with holding little bundles of blessings that belong to others (like the one pictured here who belongs to one of my students). I can cradle them, snuggle with them, sing to them, rub my cheek against their fuzzy heads, kiss their chubby little cheeks, and then I must give them back to their moms and dads. It is not easy to stay content when everything inside of screams with the desire to be a mother.
Instead of children to raise, all I have for now is hope. And, I don't even know if that hope will ever not be deferred. All I know is that for now it is.
But that is ok, because like I mentioned yesterday, the Most High God is both all-good and all-powerful all the time. He saw me while I was still an unformed substance. He cannot not keep His promises. He is a great gift-giver, a Father who likes to give gifts to his children. He is trustworthy. It is far more than worthwhile for me to trust Him alone--even with deferred hopes and strong desires.
Father, I thank you for so graciously helping me not to covet, not to envy. I could not on my own. Please continue to keep bitterness at bay and hope, even though deferred, burning bright. I place my trust in You alone.
This post was submitted to the Carnival of Beauty sponsored by following an unknown path. This week the theme is The Beauty of Babies and is being hosted here. Join us next week for The Beauty of Humility over at Scribbling by Blair.
What a cutie! Like I've said before, I think your attitude is such a blessing! You are an amazing woman! :D
ReplyDeleteI know from personal experience the feeling of longing for a child and not knowing if that dream will ever come true. I cannot promise that it ever will, but I do know (as you obviously do) that God is faithful.
ReplyDeleteJust reading those verses again is awesome as I know a child is being 'knit' within me. You are right- we none of us know what the Lord has in mind for us- or how we will manage when out natural desires seem to be unmet. Obviously I do not know that longing-but I do know that the Lord can more than satisfy our deepest needs in His own way- and you currently have a great opportunity to influence a lot of young people.May God continue to bless and lead you.
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