be an advocate for marriage

And to those of you who are happily married, I encourage you to be an advocate for marriage.  There are four ways off the top of my head I can think of that would be a great way to be an advocate for marriage.

1. We hear so many people griping and complaining about marriage–the very gift extended singles are longing for.  We need to also hear validation from those who’ve already been given the gift of marriage that it is indeed a good gift.  Of course, this must be done with care and sensitivity–but I don’t think in all the years I longed to be married that seeing couples in love and enjoying their married life ever hurt, not once.  It might have increased the desire, but it always served to push me closer to the cross.

2. In addition, you can explicitly encourage those who aren’t longing for marriage, to consider marriage and maintain hope.  I had a very sweet friend who was also an extended single that emailed a year into her new marriage and asked me how I was doing in regards to desire for marriage.  At that time my desires for marriage were just beginning to surface, her questions and encouragement had perfect timing.  Her love story, her love for her marriage, and hearing her say “you know it’s ok to admit you want to get married” were SUCH a blessing.

3. You can also explicitly encourage those who think they are unsuitable to be married for whatever lame lie(s) they are believing, to consider  marriage.  Just like Corrina did for Lawrance–he thought marriage was a slight possibility for him but a LONG way down the road.  He had no idea what God had in store for him.  Even if you don’t have someone in mind for that person, I still think challenging that kind of person to reconsider and encouraging them to consider marriage is a good thing. Lawrance would totally agree. ;)

4. Ask for permission to prayerfully “be on the look out” for your single friends, and then don’t be afraid to prayerfully and wisely offer suggestions for matches.  Because we are so thankful for what Corrina did for us, we often ask our single Christian friends if it would be ok if we helped them be on the look out.  We’ve even tried to set up double date–with permission from both sides, with all parties knowing what’s going on.  We’ve not “made a match” yet, but not once has ANY of our single friends said “no, please don’t help me look.”

matchmaker wanted

After writing yesterday’s memory, I just wanted to encourage those of you who are in the midst of extend singleness and longing to get married to consider asking close friends and family for help.

Let them know of your desires to be married, let them pray with you and for you, and let them keep their eyes open too.

According the National Marriage Project:

The most likely way to find a future marriage partner is through an introduction by family, friends or acquaintances. Despite the romantic notion that people meet and fall in love through chance or fate, the evidence suggests that social networks are important in bringing together individuals of similar interests and backgrounds, especially when it comes to selecting a marriage partner. According to a large-scale national survey of sexuality, almost 60 percent of married people were introduced by family, friends, co-workers or other acquaintances.

I know I didn’t ask and wouldn’t have asked anyone and everyone to help me find a husband.  But, if you have godly friends who love you and love the Lord, ask for help.  It is not shameful to get help in finding a husband or wife.  And, if that is the way God chooses to bring a marriage partner into your life . . . it will be an amazing blessing to both you and to them!

Candice Waters has this to say about giving others criteria for what you are looking for when asking others to “be on the look out for you” as you search for a marriage partner:

. . . the point is that having someone ask questions on your behalf ahead of time can go a long way to saving you embarrassment, guarding your heart and protecting your time.
It’s a concept similar to the pre-screening efforts used in business settings — especially employment placement. It’s simply a matter of helping someone who wants to help you have a better sense of what’s really helpful. Rather than mumbling “ah, great,” when someone says, “I have the perfect person in mind for you!” — especially if that person doesn’t know you that well, or you them — you can feel confident letting them know more about what your hopes are.

If they really want to help you, ask if you can give them more detail — a better sense of what God is revealing to you to look for in a mate. If they’re on board, be willing to let them know what your “must-haves” are (e.g., must be a believer), down to your “nice to haves” (likes to play board games, etc.). Friends and family members who have this kind of information will be empowered to “pre-screen” any potential candidates for you. You’ll be helping them move from good intentions to being an informed advocate.

It’s also a way to remove any sense of obligation you’re tempted to feel when friends and family share leads. What you need are opportunities, not more dead ends. Once they have an objective standard to go by, they can help discern if “good leads” really are.
With some well-informed help from your advisers, and a lot of bold prayer, you’ll be a lot closer to marrying well. . .

Waters has an entire chapter talking about needing a network in her book Get Married: What Women Can Do to Make It Happen.  I highly recommend the book.

there is hope

I was crying within 5 minutes of listening to this Focus on the Family program, and tears streamed down my cheeks for the rest of Ann Kiemel's talk.

She talks about her desiring to have a baby and her struggles with miscarriages and adoption.

Just a small taste . . .

I knew I had a choice.  I could make sorrow my friend or my enemy.  Sorrow could make me hard and cold and bitter or Sorrow could be my best friend and teach me things I had never learned before.  I reached out and took Sorrow's hand in that quite moment.  She removed all the sham and fluff from my life.  She taught me what it is to be real. She taught me what it really is to celebrate because only when you really know sorrow do you know how to laugh.  She taught me what it is to love; it is to be vulnerable.  It's to hold you hand out and to never hang on to anything.  It's to let Jesus take out or put in anything he wants, and it is to say yes.

If you are waiting for a husband or baby or struggling with sorrow, listen.  (On the Focus on the Family page click "listen now.")  It will be 15 minutes well spent.

HT: Kelly's Korner 

about this time a year ago

. . . Lawrance asked me to be his wife.

Ahhh . . . what happy, happy memories!

God is KIND!!! :D

"Yes, the Lord has done amazing things for us!  What joy!"

(Psalm 126:3 NLT)

someone to walk this unknown path with

This is our story of God's grace . . .
Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways acknowledge Him, and he will make your paths straight. (Proverbs 3:5-6)

It's a simple story really.
Two people learning to trust God.
Two winding paths that God made straight.
Two
straight paths that He choose to cross at just the right time. 
. . .
The Creator of romance, the Maker who arranged the first "boy meets girl" in the Garden so long ago, is still at work. [Taken from Joshua Harris' book Boy Meets Girl]

When I read those words months ago when I first started dating the man I will soon marry . . . I knew those were the words I wanted to use on my blog to announce my engagement!! :)

Needless to say a lot has happened recently.  God has been kind, very kind!!

Some of you found out that I had a boyfriend in real life, some of you found out by email, but for many of you this is coming as a total shock and surprise.  :) 


I promise I didn't just decide yesterday to marry the guy next to me on the bus.  And, I also promise that we didn't keep our relationship secret from our family and in-real-life friends.  We just choose to keep our relationship off the blog for a couple of reasons. 


And, that is really what made blogging these past few months difficult . . . I couldn't blog about what I really wanted to . . . and I was kinda busy spending time with the man of my dreams. :)

We are working on putting our story online, so those of you who have not been walking
next to us as God brought us together and we fell in love can praise God with us now as we tell our
story of His grace in our lives.

You can go to our wedding site and/or wedding blog to read more, but here are the basic details:

Lord willing, Lawrance Aaron Wu and I will be married on August 31, 2008 in Texas. 
We will have another celebration here in Taiwan at the end of the year, and we will continue to live, work, and minister in Taiwan--just together, rather than apart. :)

Yes, the Lord has done amazing things for us! What joy!  (Psalm 126:3 NLT)

This coming Monday, I will, Lord willing, leave Taiwan and go Stateside for a little over two months.  I will leave single, but return married to an awesome man who loves the Lord and has a heart that beats strongly to share the gospel with the lost.  What a blessing!!

We would appreciate your prayers for us as we make all the transitions that we will face in the coming weeks and months.  Our greatest desire is for God to be glorified, please pray that as we wrap up things here, transition to a different country for awhile, and plan for both a wedding and a life together that we can keep our focus on Christ alone.

33

Thanks to Marianne for sharing this beautiful song entitled 33 by Corrinne May.

Corrinne, new-to-me muscian, grew up in Singapore; she wrote this song as she reflected on turning 33.

amanda is ok too

Thank you to all of you who inquired about me and (as eija put it) my "bday funk."

I'll get totally honest here for a minute and explain my more cryptic statement from the original post the day after my birthday.  This one:

It is so easy to become envious of others . . . it is so easy to see
what I think I lack . . . it is so easy to be selfish . . . it is so
easy to sin.  Lord Jesus Christ, son of God, have mercy on me a sinner.

See, it is not really turning 30 that bothered me.  I have been feeling older (especially with my knee giving me trouble, but more about that on another day), but I don't feel "old" yet. 

The center of the matter is that I was turning 30 and still single.  I've seen all kinds of "mommy blogs" in the past few months where women turning 30 talked about how blessed they were with their loving husbands and cute kids treating them so special on their big day. 

Many people are quick to remind me that "yes, you're single but look at how God is using you."  But, there are also married women who are thirty years old with several children who are overseas missionaries too.  This position is not limited to single women.

Although VERY well meaning . . . comments like that only feed one of the myths we single women are led to believe: "God views me more as a useful tool than a beloved child."

People have often told me, "God has allowed you to be single so you
might do these things for Him!" While I know these people are seeking
to encourage me, my gut reaction is, Why me? It's true that God may set us apart for a season of singleness, but that doesn't mean He is indifferent to our dreams.



Matthew 7:11
says, "If you, then, though you are evil, know how to give good gifts
to your children, how much more will your Father in heaven give good
gifts to those who ask him!" God views you a cherished child — never a
utilitarian object. A loving Father will give you good gifts at just
the right time.

My comfort in being 30 and still single can not come from whether or not "God is using me."  It must come from who He is . . . God of all creation, the Author of my life's story, the One who clears this unknown path I am walking on.  My comfort and hope must come only from trusting the One who is eternally both all-good and all-powerful.

See, the problem on my 30th birthday was this: my eyes were one me.  "Why so downcast, O, my soul?"  Because I was not placing my hope where it should rightly be.  And, honestly, I didn't want to either--I wanted to "just this once have the right to be discontent."

Praise the Lord for being quick to forgive!

And, praise Him too for, once again, placing a song in my heart! :)

Well I wanna thank you now
For being patient with me
Oh it's so hard to see
When my eyes are on me
I guess I'll have to trust
And just believe what you say

(This is the chorus of the awesome song "Make My Life a Prayer" by Keith Green, one of my all time favorite musicians.)

Myths Single Women Believe

Suzanne Hadley, one of the regular Boundless authors, wrote an article recently debunking seven of the myths single women often find themselves believing.

Here are the 7 myths:

1. God will give me a husband when I'm ready.
2. God views me more as a useful tool than a beloved child.
3. When it's the right guy, I'll just know.
4. When I get married, then my life will begin.
5. Marriage will/will not meet my deepest needs.
6. There must be something wrong with me. If I could just figure
out what it is, I could fix it and guys would start showing interest.
7. The older I get, the less likely it is that I will find someone.

In the past decade (aka "my twenties"), I have believed or at least pondered all of these at some point.  The ones that I have had to fight with the most in the past year are numbers 1, 2, 6 and 7.

If you are single and find yourself believing any of these, I highly recommend checking out Suzanne's article.  If you are married but have friends in that "extended period of singleness" I also highly recommend you checking out her article so that you can help debunk the myths you find your single friends believing.

 

about a boy

I will soon be able to add one more thing to this list of things that I am.

In a little over four months my sister is going to make me an aunt!!  She is a little over 19 weeks pregnant with my little nephew, who will be named Nathan Lee.

Nathan means "gift of God" . . . what a wonderful name!!

I am so excited for my sister and brother-in-law.  This is something they've wanted for a long time now.

Can you see him there?  The first one is a full body shot and the second one is of just his face.  Beautiful, right?

And, yes, I'll be perfectly honest, it stung at first.  Why would God, the giver of all good gifts, give my younger sister both a husband and a baby before me?  "Doesn't he care about me too?" my heart longed to know.   

It's like the time I asked for a clock radio for Christmas.  My grandmother had prepared two of them (one for each of us), but Sarah opened hers first.  In my selfishness, I actually cried, "that's mine Sarah!  You opened my present!"  I walked over and ripped it out of her arms.  Sigh . . . what sin!  I still remember how guilty I felt when I realized how blatant my selfishness was on that Christmas Eve.

There were many tears shed the night I first found out she was expecting . . . as once again I mourned the fact that I am not yet a wife and not yet a mother.  My selfish, sinful heart once again cried out "That's mine, Sarah!  You opened my present!  Why do you get one and I don't!  I want one, too!!!"

But, since then . . . after repenting, my heart has been filled with nothing but joy for my sister.  I am so happy and can't wait to meet little Nate this summer when I get to go home for the first time in two years. 

Oh, yeah, and if Sarah is able to hold that little bambino inside to full term or longer, I will even get to see my sister 9 months pregnant.  How cool would that be!?!?!   But, for now, here is my beautiful pregnant sister at 19 weeks:

a woman's heart

My sister sent me this quote last week.  It was encouraging to me, so I thought I'd share it with you. 

"A woman's heart should be so hidden in Christ that a man should have to seek Him first to find her."

(I searched online to see if I could find the source, it looks like it is probably from Maya Angelou.)

celebrating Advent as a single woman away from home

This is my first time to celebrate Advent.  And, I'm excited about it.  One of my biggest desires is to rebuild anticipation into the season . . . to recapture wonder and awe . . . but instead of directed towards the concept of Christmas as it was when I was a child . . . to direct towards love of my Savior. 

After being away from home for five Christmases so far I've come to the conclusion that being away from family at Christmas time is hard--uh, I probably could have told you that after just the first one.  And, I think that being single and barren at Christmas is also really hard--this is a family holiday.  So, what's a girl to do when she is single, childless, and living across the ocean from her family?

Once I tried basically ignoring it and pretending it didn't really matter.  A few times I tried to only focus on it on Christmas Day--to think about it for a whole month would just be too difficult.  But, last year, I changed. . . I made it a point to make it special and started to build my own traditions.  I also discovered Advent and decided that this year I would celebrate it.   

So, for the first time, I am fully embracing the holiday as a single adult on my own.  I am building my own traditions . . . that hopefully I will one day be able to share with my husband and children.  I am creating things now that I hope to use with my kids. . . and if I never have children, I will share them with my little neighbors and use them myself. 

But I am refusing to play the ostrich this year.  Sticking my head in the sand and pretending this holiday isn't really there--which is easy when no one around really celebrates it--isn't an option.  I will spend this month in awe and wonder  . . . in anticipation.  Christ has come and is going to return.  He is our hope. Our salvation.

Oh what glorious, wonderful news!

the holy vocation of singleness

Everyone starts by being single. Some people remain single, and at
least half of the married will end by being single again when their
spouses die. This needs to be thought about and prepared for so that
life is full and useful for the single person. How does a Christian
think about and prepare for a full and useful life as a single person?

Click here to read the rest of John Chapman's article on The Single Person in the Family of God.

[HT: Purple Cellar]

In View of God's Mercy

Carolyn McCulley has written another excellent piece on being single and waiting (and waiting) and rejoicing with those who rejoice all in view of God's mercy.

Mixed in with the bills and advertising mailers, there it is:
another wedding invitation. Addressed to you alone, no "and guest"
invited.

Waiting in the e-mail inbox is another happy announcement, along
with the photos of the sparkly ring: Another friend is happily engaged.

At the mall, you spot a former classmate — and her conspicuous baby bump. Another baby shower invitation lurks in your future.

You? You still wait. And wait.

[continue reading here]

My favorite quote from the article . . .

Ah, but [rejoicing with those who rejoice . . . are getting married, are having children when we still remain single] is possible, you know. It's not only possible, it's
a biblical command. A command, however, that is wrapped in grace and
sprinkled with hope. Far from a "grit your teeth and just do it" order
from an unsympathetic superior, this directive springs from mercy.

single thoughts

Found two great articles this weekend for singles:

Believing in the Dream of Marriage by Kara Schwab
Why is it some people's path to the altar is just a few footsteps long? Mine felt like a marathon.

Single While Active by Suzanne Hadley
I am single. I'm not ashamed to say it. Most of the time I'm OK with it.
By "OK" I mean I don't break down in tears after attending my
fifth wedding in one summer. I don't mourn with a tub of mint
chocolate chip and "Sleepless in Seattle" every time I have a quiet
Saturday night ... or four. . . . keep reading.

i want to be a mommy

(I know nothing about Kellie Coffey except for this song.)

Many women in my family (including me) have PCOS, which is the leading cause of infertility in women.  1 in 10 women have it. 

The powerful emotion that this song evokes causes tears to stream down my face.  I long to have a family, to be a wife, to be a mom . . . this singer has tapped into my heart of hearts, but even she has more than I do.  She has a "husband to love." 

It would be so easy to be bitter and envious.

But you know . . . in reality--in the nitty-gritty-in-your-face-this-is-life reality--I would still choose to be single and childless if it means God is better glorified in my life.  Oh, make no mistake, being a wife and a mother is something I really, really want!!!  But glorifying God is something I want even more.  (Clarification: Not that he wouldn't be glorified if I became a wife and a mom, but only He who knows how he can best be glorified in my life.)

Tears continue to fall.

He is all-powerful--He can do what he wants when he wants. 

He is all-good--He is a gracious, loving Father who gives good gifts and keeps his promises.  He has met my greatest need of all and blessed me way beyond I deserve. 

What right do I have to be bitter or envious?  None whatsoever.

Whom have I in heaven but you?
And there is nothing on earth that I desire besides you. (Psalm 73:25)

Every good gift and every perfect gift is from above, coming down from
the Father of lights with whom there is no variation or shadow due to
change. (James 1:17)

And my God will supply every need of yours according to his riches in glory in Christ Jesus. (Philippians 4:19)

~*~*~*~*~*~*~
Two Additional Thoughts
First, you know what else? Even though her song is powerful and brings tears to my eyes each time I watch it, I am not sure I would be willing to die in order to become a wife and a mom.  Namely, the pragmatics of it just don't make sense.  If I died to become a wife or a mom, well then I can't really be a wife or a mom now can I?  I'd be dead. 

Second, after I first heard this song . . . I later thought about the One who HAS died for me.  . . it is humbling.  I am grateful for His tender loving mercy and everlasting grace.  How undeserving I am!  . . . yes, the tears are falling again.

oh, baby!

For you formed my inward parts; you knitted me together in my mother's womb.

I praise you, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made.

Wonderful are your works; my soul knows it very well.

My frame was not hidden from you, when I was being made in secret, intricately woven in the depths of the earth.

Your eyes saw my unformed substance; in your book were written, every one of them, the days that were formed for me, when as yet there was none of them.

(Psalm 139:13-16)

Babies--they are so precious. 

I know not if I will ever be a mother.  I know not if I will ever experience what if feels like to have a human being intricately woven inside of me.  I long to . . . I desire to . . . but, I know not.

For now, I must be content with holding little bundles of blessings that belong to others (like the one pictured here who belongs to one of my students).  I can cradle them, snuggle with them, sing to them, rub my cheek against their fuzzy heads, kiss their chubby little cheeks, and then I must give them back to their moms and dads.  It is not easy to stay content when everything inside of screams with the desire to be a mother. 

Instead of children to raise, all I have for now is hope.  And, I don't even know if that hope will ever not be deferred.   All I know is that for now it is. 

But that is ok, because like I mentioned yesterday, the Most High God is both all-good and all-powerful all the time.  He saw me while I was still an unformed substance. He cannot not keep His promises.  He is a great gift-giver, a Father who likes to give gifts to his children.  He is trustworthy.  It is far more than worthwhile for me to trust Him alone--even with deferred hopes and strong desires.

Father, I thank you for so graciously helping me not to covet, not to envy.  I could not on my own.  Please continue to keep bitterness at bay and hope, even though deferred, burning bright.  I place my trust in You alone.

This post was submitted to the Carnival of Beauty sponsored by following an unknown path.  This week the theme is The Beauty of Babies and is being hosted here. Join us next week for The Beauty of Humility over at Scribbling by Blair.

single in Christ

In a nine-part series John Piper recently did on Marriage, Christ, and Covenant: One Flesh for the Glory of God, his last sermon was directed towards singles. 

It is entitled "Single in Christ: A Name Better Than Sons and Daughters."

I highly reccomend watching it online or downloading the mp3 to listen to offline. 

It was so encouraging as well as challenging. 

I've not yet listen to the first eight sermons in the series, but I wholly expect them to be excellent and right on target as well.  If you are married, you might want to take a look listen.

found another one!!

I found another baby to love!! 

Actually, this is a baby I've loved on many times before.  His English name is Enoch.  This day though, he was not feeling well.

i really want one

This precious baby is my "Taiwanese nephew."  He is a few months old and, oh, so cute. 

By "Taiwanese nephew" I mean . . . my best friend's brother's son. :)  (My best friend's family treats me like their third daughter/sister.)

I LOVE babies!  And--as you can tell from the title of this post--yes, I still long to be a mommy.

valentine's day

Some jokingly call it National Single's Awareness Day.  But, living in Taiwan, I don't really have the full impact of the holiday like those of you in America do.  Sure people know it is V-day, and yes young dating couples will go out tonight, but I am not reminded everywhere I go that I am alone once more on a lover's holiday.

Last year, I took a personal retreat right at this time.  It was such a good experience I decided to make it an annual tradition.  This year, however, things will be a little different.  I leave tomorrow morning to another country for a little over a week, so I am spending V-day cleaning and packing.  I do hope though that I get to spend some of my time in the other country alone with God, reflecting on the past and praying about the future. 

It is only a focus on God, the lover of my soul, on days like this that allow me to keep going.  By focusing on Him and His grace, on Him and His work in my life, on Him and Him alone can I prevent days like today from becoming pity parties. 

Because I promise you, on days like today the enemy is actively whispering in my ear lies of deceit.  And the only way to ward off the envy and self-pity is to take my eyes off of me and what I don't have and place them on Him, all that He is, and begin to count my blessings.

And remember: "don't be wishing you were someplace else or with someone else. Where
you are right now is God's place for you. Live and obey and love and
believe right there. God, not your marital status, defines your life" (the Message's paraphrase of part of 1 Corthians 7).

I wish all of you a very Happy Valentines Day!!