be an advocate for marriage

And to those of you who are happily married, I encourage you to be an advocate for marriage.  There are four ways off the top of my head I can think of that would be a great way to be an advocate for marriage.

1. We hear so many people griping and complaining about marriage–the very gift extended singles are longing for.  We need to also hear validation from those who’ve already been given the gift of marriage that it is indeed a good gift.  Of course, this must be done with care and sensitivity–but I don’t think in all the years I longed to be married that seeing couples in love and enjoying their married life ever hurt, not once.  It might have increased the desire, but it always served to push me closer to the cross.

2. In addition, you can explicitly encourage those who aren’t longing for marriage, to consider marriage and maintain hope.  I had a very sweet friend who was also an extended single that emailed a year into her new marriage and asked me how I was doing in regards to desire for marriage.  At that time my desires for marriage were just beginning to surface, her questions and encouragement had perfect timing.  Her love story, her love for her marriage, and hearing her say “you know it’s ok to admit you want to get married” were SUCH a blessing.

3. You can also explicitly encourage those who think they are unsuitable to be married for whatever lame lie(s) they are believing, to consider  marriage.  Just like Corrina did for Lawrance–he thought marriage was a slight possibility for him but a LONG way down the road.  He had no idea what God had in store for him.  Even if you don’t have someone in mind for that person, I still think challenging that kind of person to reconsider and encouraging them to consider marriage is a good thing. Lawrance would totally agree. ;)

4. Ask for permission to prayerfully “be on the look out” for your single friends, and then don’t be afraid to prayerfully and wisely offer suggestions for matches.  Because we are so thankful for what Corrina did for us, we often ask our single Christian friends if it would be ok if we helped them be on the look out.  We’ve even tried to set up double date–with permission from both sides, with all parties knowing what’s going on.  We’ve not “made a match” yet, but not once has ANY of our single friends said “no, please don’t help me look.”

matchmaker wanted

After writing yesterday’s memory, I just wanted to encourage those of you who are in the midst of extend singleness and longing to get married to consider asking close friends and family for help.

Let them know of your desires to be married, let them pray with you and for you, and let them keep their eyes open too.

According the National Marriage Project:

The most likely way to find a future marriage partner is through an introduction by family, friends or acquaintances. Despite the romantic notion that people meet and fall in love through chance or fate, the evidence suggests that social networks are important in bringing together individuals of similar interests and backgrounds, especially when it comes to selecting a marriage partner. According to a large-scale national survey of sexuality, almost 60 percent of married people were introduced by family, friends, co-workers or other acquaintances.

I know I didn’t ask and wouldn’t have asked anyone and everyone to help me find a husband.  But, if you have godly friends who love you and love the Lord, ask for help.  It is not shameful to get help in finding a husband or wife.  And, if that is the way God chooses to bring a marriage partner into your life . . . it will be an amazing blessing to both you and to them!

Candice Waters has this to say about giving others criteria for what you are looking for when asking others to “be on the look out for you” as you search for a marriage partner:

. . . the point is that having someone ask questions on your behalf ahead of time can go a long way to saving you embarrassment, guarding your heart and protecting your time.
It’s a concept similar to the pre-screening efforts used in business settings — especially employment placement. It’s simply a matter of helping someone who wants to help you have a better sense of what’s really helpful. Rather than mumbling “ah, great,” when someone says, “I have the perfect person in mind for you!” — especially if that person doesn’t know you that well, or you them — you can feel confident letting them know more about what your hopes are.

If they really want to help you, ask if you can give them more detail — a better sense of what God is revealing to you to look for in a mate. If they’re on board, be willing to let them know what your “must-haves” are (e.g., must be a believer), down to your “nice to haves” (likes to play board games, etc.). Friends and family members who have this kind of information will be empowered to “pre-screen” any potential candidates for you. You’ll be helping them move from good intentions to being an informed advocate.

It’s also a way to remove any sense of obligation you’re tempted to feel when friends and family share leads. What you need are opportunities, not more dead ends. Once they have an objective standard to go by, they can help discern if “good leads” really are.
With some well-informed help from your advisers, and a lot of bold prayer, you’ll be a lot closer to marrying well. . .

Waters has an entire chapter talking about needing a network in her book Get Married: What Women Can Do to Make It Happen.  I highly recommend the book.

two years ago

Two years ago  . . . on January 15, 2008  . . . a very dear friend of ours, had lunch with Lawrance and asked him to consider asking me out.  That night he did.

We know that our Loving Heavenly Father is the ultimate matchmaker, but we are BOTH so very grateful to our friend Corrina helping (ok, begging) Lawrance to consider Amanda as a potential partner.

You see, Corrina was special.  Unlike many other people I’d share my longings to be married with, Corrina wouldn’t promise me that “one day I’d find someone.”  She never spouted out trite phrases in an effort to comfort me and then change the topic.  Nor did she, as some actually did, tell me that I was better off single because I had more freedom and could do as I pleased.

Instead, Corrina would look at me and say, “I want you to be married too.  Marriage is so good.  You’d love it so much.”

She delighted in her own marriage and felt free to share that delight with me a hurting single.  It wasn’t bragging.  It didn’t hurt me more.  In fact, it was truly comforting because she was longing for me right along side me.  Empathizing.

After one night of some deep empathy and tears, I openly asked Corrina for help.  “If you know anyone who you think might make a good husband for me, please introduce us.”

Her reply that night (Jan. 14, 2008) was “Amanda, I think you need to go to a bigger church.  Go out, meet more people.”  But that night after I left, her heart was heavy as she prayed to God for me asking for wisdom in how to help her friend.

The next day . . . totally unplanned, she bumped into and then had lunch with Lawrance, and half way through, she suddenly thought “ah ha, it’s you!”

The rest is history.  Blissful, beautiful history. :)

Us with Corrina, our matchmaker, after our Taiwanese ceremony

living my dream (aka: doing my man's laundry)

Summer vacation is not here for me quite yet.  Grades are due this Friday.  And, Lawrance just started working full time two weeks ago (YAY!!  PTL for his new promotion from part-time teacher to director of the English program!!) .

Everyone keeps asking me what I'm doing for my summer break.  I reply "just being a housewife." 

Without exception every Taiwanese friend, student, and stranger I've had this conversation with then expresses their sympathies for me, trying to cheer me up.

What they don't realize is that I need no cheering up.  I am SO looking forward to the month of July where I get to be a full time housewife for the first time in my life.  I've already enjoyed these past two weeks of laundry and washing dishes . . . it's so much easier and more enjoyable when I can do it during my day as time allows and as my work for the day rather than as a chore I must squeeze in before going to work.

They don't get it.

 I don't know.  Maybe you won't either . . . maybe you think, "silly girl, wait to you've done ten (twenty, thirty) years of your man's dirty laundry--then we'll talk about the 'joy' you have then."

They also worry about me being lonely being home alone all day.  How could I possibly look forward to being home alone all day with nothing to do but take care of the home? 

Depending on the situation and/or depth of the relationship, I will remind them that not too long ago I was living alone all day everyday.  Now, I have someone to anticipate coming home to me.  Now, I get to eagerly wait for him to call me and return back to me.  It's WAY better than living alone 24/7. 

 And, crazy as it may sound, it is way more fun to clear the table, change the sheets, dust the furniture, or what-have-you when I know I am blessing someone else.  When it was just me living here . . . OH it was SO miserable "keeping house." 

I hated it with a passion. 

I secretly wondered if I'd even make a good wife.  My married friends were able to manage their households of 3 or 4 or 5 . . . . and me?  well, I was struggling with my little household of 1.  :( 

I know I wouldn't score perfectly in housekeeping 101 (I thank God my hubby is so patient and understanding), but I do know (again, crazy as it may sound) keeping house is a lot more fun and rewarding and joyful when I'm not the only one making the messes. ;)

So, yes, I totally look forward to a "boring" summer of being a stay-at-home wife.  I'll be honest: it almost feels as if I get to "play" at being a house keeping wife.  I'm all giddy and happy about it.  Is it weird that I feel that way?

And, actually, it feels like I'm getting to live my dream.  For the latter half of my 20's I dreamed about being married . . . I longed to have someone's socks to wash and underwear to fold.  

Speaking of . . . I think there's a basket a clean laundry awaiting me in the other room right now as I speak!

about this time a year ago

. . . Lawrance asked me to be his wife.

Ahhh . . . what happy, happy memories!

God is KIND!!! :D

"Yes, the Lord has done amazing things for us!  What joy!"

(Psalm 126:3 NLT)

confessions of a newlywed who surrived "extended singleness" #3

Sometimes I find myself thinking "I'm married!  I am married.  i AM married.  Me--i am MARRIED!"

It actually catches me by surprise, but it does make me smile.

confessions of a newlywed who surrived "extended singleness" #2

I vow never to make fun of others as they delight in "new love."  

I really appreciated the people who encouraged me and were excited for me when we were "falling in love."  I am thankful for those who cheered on all the "foot-popping, birds singing, the world is a beautiful place" feelings associated with "new love."

And, it really irritates me when people--especially younger-than-me-couples who married in their late teens early twenties--"poo-poo" (make fun of) the idea of "new love."

It seems that they equate "new love" with "immature love" that only "young people who don't know any better" experience.   Or they even think of new love as being fake. 

I guess I can understand that if all the "ooey-gooey," star-gazing love for them happened when they were young and immature that they would assume that the "ooey-gooey," star-gazing love is also immature. 

But it's not. 

It's a necessary building block for developing a lasting love.   You have to "walk on air" before you can walk together on the solid ground of commitment.

New love is exciting.  It is delightful.  It is fun.  But, it is not immature. :)

I like the way Ed Wheat talks about it in The First Years of Forever.  He claims both new love (what he calls "belonging love") and "absolute love" "need to be at the heart of a relationship" and that the "two loves merge into one to bless [a couple's] new life together."

Wheat further gives this advice for a "sure formula for a lasting, love-filled marriage: Enjoy the feelings of love and guard them well, but live by the facts of love."  Like I said . . . we have to get to experience the excitement of new love first before we can build our lives on commitment and agape love. 

And, therefore, new love should not be made fun of or joked about in a way that puts down those that are living it.  It is great and wonderful.  In fact it is exhilarating! :)

If you have had the privilege of experiencing new love you should count yourself blessed . . . not poo-poo the idea of it.

confessions of a newlywed who surrived "extended singleness" #1

Here is the first of several confessions I've been thinking about  . . .

Before, watching others fall in love, get engaged and marry was VERY bitter sweet.  I was happy for them, but the pain it caused inside could be intense, the struggle it reawakened difficult.

Now, I love weddings!  I love watching people fall in love!  I've even cried in joy at youtube videos of strangers weddings and even teared up watching this news reporter propose on air to an anchor! 

It's so fun to be able to experience sheer joy at watching people commit to marriage! :)

And, you know what? It's fun to have a husband who celebrates right along side me as we watch (and sometimes encourage) others as they fall in love. :)