After writing yesterday’s memory, I just wanted to encourage those of you who are in the midst of extend singleness and longing to get married to consider asking close friends and family for help.
Let them know of your desires to be married, let them pray with you and for you, and let them keep their eyes open too.
According the National Marriage Project:
The most likely way to find a future marriage partner is through an introduction by family, friends or acquaintances. Despite the romantic notion that people meet and fall in love through chance or fate, the evidence suggests that social networks are important in bringing together individuals of similar interests and backgrounds, especially when it comes to selecting a marriage partner. According to a large-scale national survey of sexuality, almost 60 percent of married people were introduced by family, friends, co-workers or other acquaintances.I know I didn’t ask and wouldn’t have asked anyone and everyone to help me find a husband. But, if you have godly friends who love you and love the Lord, ask for help. It is not shameful to get help in finding a husband or wife. And, if that is the way God chooses to bring a marriage partner into your life . . . it will be an amazing blessing to both you and to them!
Candice Waters has this to say about giving others criteria for what you are looking for when asking others to “be on the look out for you” as you search for a marriage partner:
. . . the point is that having someone ask questions on your behalf ahead of time can go a long way to saving you embarrassment, guarding your heart and protecting your time.
It’s a concept similar to the pre-screening efforts used in business settings — especially employment placement. It’s simply a matter of helping someone who wants to help you have a better sense of what’s really helpful. Rather than mumbling “ah, great,” when someone says, “I have the perfect person in mind for you!” — especially if that person doesn’t know you that well, or you them — you can feel confident letting them know more about what your hopes are.
If they really want to help you, ask if you can give them more detail — a better sense of what God is revealing to you to look for in a mate. If they’re on board, be willing to let them know what your “must-haves” are (e.g., must be a believer), down to your “nice to haves” (likes to play board games, etc.). Friends and family members who have this kind of information will be empowered to “pre-screen” any potential candidates for you. You’ll be helping them move from good intentions to being an informed advocate.
It’s also a way to remove any sense of obligation you’re tempted to feel when friends and family share leads. What you need are opportunities, not more dead ends. Once they have an objective standard to go by, they can help discern if “good leads” really are.Waters has an entire chapter talking about needing a network in her book Get Married: What Women Can Do to Make It Happen. I highly recommend the book.
With some well-informed help from your advisers, and a lot of bold prayer, you’ll be a lot closer to marrying well. . .