My First Mother's Day Reflections

This time a year ago, Lawrance and I had just completed an application to adopt here in Taiwan.  We were just taking the first steps of a long journey.  Perhaps that made Mother's Day a little easier on me last year.  I wasn't a mother yet, but  I did know that someday, even if years away, I'd be a mom.

Oh, but our merciful Heavenly Father, had different plans for us!  So true is the verse that says "The heart of man plans his way, but the Lord establishes his steps" (Proverbs 16:9, ESV).  In fact, going back and checking my charts, the day I ovulated was the same day we mailed in our application.  I have no doubt that we were obeying the Lord by filling out that application and submitting it.  And, I have hope that adoption is still a future option for us. But those are posts for another day.

It was right after Mother's Day last year that we found out we were expecting!  I've been thinking all week about how much has changed in a year.  To think that this time a year ago our sweet little Eden was "tiny ball consisting of several hundred cells that were multiplying madly" (babycenter) and today she's a 13lb bundle of joy who loves sucking on her fingers and playing with her toes.  It is simply mind blowing how much she has grown in the last year.

We are blessed beyond measure.

Each Mother's Day for the past five years was progressively more difficult.  It was so hard to sit there in church while little kids passed out carnations to all the mothers.  It was hard to feel the physical ache of my empty arms and the emotional ache of a deep longing left unfilled.

So, I am grateful to be able to celebrate Mother's Day this year.  Not because I want to be recognized for the sacrifices I've made or because of the quality of mothering I'm doing, but simply because I am able to and because the Lord has blessed us with a little one, entrusted us with her to help her grow and develop, to train her in the way she should go.  This Mother's Day and all that follow, I don't want it to be about me; it never is nor should it be about me.  It will always be for me a day to rejoice in the blessing of being able to be a mom.

Sure there have been sacrifices and adjustments, but the joy of being Eden's mommy far surpasses any of the discomforts of pregnancy, the hard work of labor, and the exhaustion of taking care of a newborn.

Out of Sight, Out of Mind?

Did you miss us?  I haven't blogged regularly for probably two years now.  There are two reasons.  One, I felt like I had blogged just about everything I could have about life in Taiwan. I felt like there wasn't much more to say about life here that I hadn't already said.  And, two, infertility was a personal struggle that I didn't feel comfortable blogging about in public.

[Interesting how--at least to me--being single was an ok thing to struggle with on my public blog, but not infertility.  Perhaps one reason is that when I first started blogging I was anonymous--I didn't know my readers and they didn't know me.  But the longer I blogged, the more I met readers and more IRL people started reading it.  So, it no longer felt like I was talking into an empty hole.]

Well, in May of this year, after nearly four years of trying unsuccessfully to conceive, Lawrance and I filed for adoption.  And, we are expecting a little girl in January of 2013.  However, this little girl will be from my womb!!  We found out a week or two after we turned in our application that I was pregnant!!  ;)  God has been gracious with us.  We are excited that he has chosen to bless us in this way at this time.

Here's how we announced to family and friends when we first found out.

I'm currently 24 weeks pregnant.  I'm going to attempt to revive the blog, and quite honestly it's focus will change . . . and that's ok with me since it is supposed to be our family's blog.

an admission

Sometimes the emotional pain of infertility is so strong, it seems like my heart physically aches.

As we journey though this together, I’m thankful for articles like this:The Bible and The Pain of Infertility.

Ob-la-di ob-la-da

Life goes on! Brah! La! La! How life goes on!!


This blog probably needs some virtual dusting since it’s been so long since we’ve blogged.

April and May were busy for us.  I can’t remember all that happened, but I do know we went to three different weddings–two of them lasting what seemed like all day.  I started teaching a new class off campus that eats up my one free weekday for grading meaning my schedule got totally twisted around and my free time disappeared.  We also were privileged to watch a good friend baptize her high school classmate in the ocean.

Several people have mentioned that having a baby will solve our lack of blogging “issue.”  And, boy are they right!!  We would love to have a baby and I’d enjoy blogging all about it, but we are struggling with infertility.  And, that is another reason why blogging has taken a backseat.  It’s something we’re working through right now, and I’m not ready to write openly to the world about it yet.    Maybe one day  . . .

And, kinda like when Lawrance and I were dating, when I couldn’t blog about it yet, it made me not want to blog about anything.  I’m an all or nothing kinda girl–it’s something I’m workin’ on.  If I don’t blog about one of the main things that occupies my mind, I feel like I’m lying.  So, it makes difficult to blog about anything.

One other thing we’ve been working on recently is cleaning out our home and getting our guest room ready because we have company coming.  My mom is coming!!  She arrives tomorrow night Taiwan time.  This will be her first time in Taiwan.  I’m so excited.

So, we have two weeks of school left, and then I have a month basically off and get to show my mom all around Taiwan.  Wuhoo!!

redirect: for moms, former moms, and wannabe moms

I needed this today.  It was a perfect reminder of truth.



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