confessions of a newlywed who surrived "extended singleness" #2

us . . . falling in loveI vow never to make fun of others as they delight in "new love."  

I really appreciated the people who encouraged me and were excited for me when we were "falling in love."  I am thankful for those who cheered on all the "foot-popping, birds singing, the world is a beautiful place" feelings associated with "new love."

And, it really irritates me when people--especially younger-than-me-couples who married in their late teens early twenties--"poo-poo" (make fun of) the idea of "new love."

It seems that they equate "new love" with "immature love" that only "young people who don't know any better" experience.   Or they even think of new love as being fake. 

I guess I can understand that if all the "ooey-gooey," star-gazing love for them happened when they were young and immature that they would assume that the "ooey-gooey," star-gazing love is also immature. 

But it's not. 

It's a necessary building block for developing a lasting love.   You have to "walk on air" before you can walk together on the solid ground of commitment.

New love is exciting.  It is delightful.  It is fun.  But, it is not immature. :)

I like the way Ed Wheat talks about it in The First Years of Forever.  He claims both new love (what he calls "belonging love") and "absolute love" "need to be at the heart of a relationship" and that the "two loves merge into one to bless [a couple's] new life together."

Wheat further gives this advice for a "sure formula for a lasting, love-filled marriage: Enjoy the feelings of love and guard them well, but live by the facts of love."  Like I said . . . we have to get to experience the excitement of new love first before we can build our lives on commitment and agape love. 

And, therefore, new love should not be made fun of or joked about in a way that puts down those that are living it.  It is great and wonderful.  In fact it is exhilarating! :)

If you have had the privilege of experiencing new love you should count yourself blessed . . . not poo-poo the idea of it.


  1. Hi Amanda - thanks so much for explaining the differences between new love and immature love ... I remember when I was falling in love, while I knew which people were "safe" to share all these exciting feelings with, I quickly learned that it's best to tone it down for everybody else. I still probably wasn't that good at it though. :) I hope that I can always be a person that others can share all the excitement with. Now being married for a year, we're no longer experiencing what we did in the "new love" stage, but it's fun to experience how love continues to take on new flavors :)

  2. Totally agree!! It is fun to watch our love grow deeper. And, to realize
    on some days . . . "wow it is actually possible to love someone 'more.'"

  3. I can't believe people poo-poo the new love stage! I remember those days... Just sitting there staring into my future hubby's eyes, unable to stop looking at each other and unable to stop smiling. Ah man I miss those days! I remember once I was at a barbecue, and there was a newly married husband there whose wife couldn't attend because she had a previous commitment. At one point, he went around telling people good-bye and someone asked him why he was leaving early. He got all excited and was like "Cuz my bride is home now!" I thought that was so cute. :-)

  4. Ahh . . . your story makes me smile!! :)
    I totally agree!! That new love is something that is wonderful.
    But, I've encountered several people who have poo-pooed it or written it off
    as childish and not real. And, it made me mad. So, now I am so careful not
    to do that to anyone.

  5. Thanks for the reminder, Amanda. From someone married 17 years, I can relate to being on the poo pooing side (giving poo, maybe we should call it?). Anyway, love does have its stages, and they are all part of the process. You're in a valid and very, very sweet stage. I pray it lasts years and yeas. I believe that it CAN although rarely does.

  6. Me too . . . I would love for this season to last for many years!! :D

  7. Being the youngest I've seen my siblings fall in love. My brothers and I love to tease them to this day about the hours they spent just "looking". Really its all in fun and our love for them. I may think its silly but I like it because I love nothing better than seeing too people in love. Of course I like to say I will never be so frivolous but well if God brings someone I probably will be the gushiest and sappiest lover ever:)
    Two couples from our church just remarreid again after their spouses had died. Both couples are over 65. Let me tell the act pretty sappy for being so old and mature. The ladies especially hold a beautiful glow. Love is the same no matter what age I guess.

  8. Hi Beth! First, thanks for commenting . . . I think this is the first time.
    Second, I think you are right and that good natured teasing is a way to
    encourage and allow people to delight in new love.
    In my mind there is a difference between making fun of new love and
    playfully teasing a couple who is falling in love.
    I have no problem with fun teasing of the couple that is walking on air.
    What I have a problem with is people downgrading or saying how stupid new
    love can be or is.
    And, I hope that one day you can experience all the wonderfulness of new lo.
    God is kind,
    amanda :)


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