fighting for joy and sampling infinity

It is good for our days to remind us that we are a small dot on the
landscape of time, and that eternity holds the sweeping brush strokes
of a masterwork of which we, at present, are only catching glimpses.

. . . God is real and wondrous, the Spirit instructs us in all knowledge and
wisdom, and Christ is both present and coming, calling us further up
and farther in to his kingdom. The thoughts of God are well beyond our
own. All of creation declares the glory and power of its creator. And
we are at present only sampling infinity.

-- Jill Carattini of Ravi Zacharias International Ministries

Yesterday morning I had to fight for joy.  I had to seek to continually remind myself that it's not about me. 

When the CD player didn't work for my listening class . . . when the room was sticky hot with humidity and an AC that didn't work . . . when a student accidently stepped on my foot bending the nail on my big toe backwards spilling blood everywhere . . . when I left my whimpering dog alone at home . . . when my office was in an upheaval of rearranging all the funiture while I needed to prepare for class . . . when I thought of home . . . when I wanted to have a pity party.  Oh, how I wanted to feel sorry for myself!

But . . . reality is: it is not about me.  I am but a "small dot on the landscape of time."  All day long I was faced with the same choice over and over again . . . to wallow in self-pity or choose joy.


It is so easy to become envious of others . . . it is so easy to see
what I think I lack . . . it is so easy to be selfish . . . it is so
easy to sin.  Lord Jesus Christ, son of God, have mercy on me a sinner.

Praise God that he is merciful and gracious!  Unlike my 16th birthday where I did choose to wallow in self-pity throwing an emotional hissy-fit when I thought that the world should be revolving around me and it wasn't  . . . yesterday I fought to choose joy.  I still look at the pictures of that 16 year old with her purple braces and purple silk shirt similng at the camera holding up her purple birthday gifts and all I remember from that day is my own depravity and self-centeredness.  Oh, how selfcentered and selfish I was on my 16th birthday!

The morning of my 30th birthday wasn't easy. Tears were spilled . . . more than once.  I had to heavily rely upon the grace and goodness of our Lord to empower me to be able to keep a positive attitude.  I depended greatly on the Spirit bringing to mind scripture in order to keep my heart pure.  Cuz, oh, it sure didn't want to be on it's own.

Praise God for His unfailing love and tender mercies!!  He is so kind.

Things got a little better in the afternoon and ended on a very sweet note . . . more about that later. :)

Although, in recent days, I've felt old for the first time in my life (is that because my students are no longer in the same generation as me??), I am thankful for the reminder yesterday that I am but only "sampling infinity."