the closer i get to the cross

There is safety in the distance; out of sight and out of mind
And life is unexamined out of fear for what I'll find
But once again in solitude my soul is unfilled
So I press through the crowd and I step toward the hill

The closer I get to the cross the more clearly I see
The holiness of You and the sinfullness in me
There's a beauty in the agony that draws me to this place
The closer I get to the cross the more amazed I am by grace

There are times I want to turn my head so I don't have to face the truth
Of everything you've done for me and what I've done to You
But here my eyes are opened and it breaks my heart to know
Just how deep the roots of all my failures go

Draw me nearer, nearer, nearer, Blessed Lord
To the cross where Thou has died
Draw me nearer, nearer, nearer, Blessed Lord
To Thy precious bleeding side

This song ("The Closer I Get to the Cross") captures my heart's cry right now!!  I have listened to it over and over ever since I bought Palisade's selftitled CD. But you can listen to it (and four other songs) free if you download the file(s) from their website.

Our God is sheer mercy and sheer grace!!  Hallelujah!!!!!

whole brain?

Originally uploaded by jaycross.

In one of my classes (that is for future teachers), we start by looking at "who" is our student. We look at multiple intelligences, learning styles, and learning strategies our students might posess.

In preparing for class, I found a blogthings for right brain, left brain dominerance. It seems, like many times before, I still tend to be pretty much down the middle with a stronger leaning to the left.

Amanda is 55% Left Brained, 45% Right Brained

The left side of your brain controls verbal ability, attention to detail, and reasoning. Left brained people are good at communication and persuading others. If you're left brained, you are likely good at math and logic. Your left brain prefers dogs, reading, and quiet. The right side of your brain is all about creativity and flexibility. Daring and intuitive, right brained people see the world in their unique way. If you're right brained, you likely have a talent for creative writing and art. Your right brain prefers day dreaming, philosophy, and sports.

Are You Right or Left Brained?

flashback to memory lane

You know . . . sometimes you experience a few moments between sleep and awake--not fully either.  Today, all four alarms were going off simultaneously.  I had just got them all on snooze (they are all not right by my bed--they are scattered throughout the room), when I thought, next time they all go off I will get "up and at 'em."  Had not heard that phrase in years!!  Instantly, I pictured Adam in my head. 

When I was growing up, my mother would say "up and at 'em" to wake us up.  For years and years (probably till I actually saw it written down), I thought she was saying "up and Adam."  I never was sure why Adam had anything to do with waking up.  But I just assumed that the first man was an early riser or hard worker and that my mom was just using a standard idiom. :)

the hunger for a heavenly book

I just started reading the autobiography of a persecuted Chinese house church leader.

When he first trusted Jesus, he desired to know "the words of Jesus."  But there were no Bibles to be found in China at that time; his mother told him, "All [of Jesus'] words are gone.  There is nothing left of his teaching."  The boy walked a long way to another village to beg an old pastor to let him just see a Bible. 

The pastor told him, "The Bible is a heavenly book.  If you want one, you'll need to pray to the God of heaven.  Only he can provide you a heavenly book.  God is faithful.  He always answers those who seek him with all of their heart."

The teenage boy knelt on a stone in his room and prayed over and over for a Bible, but no Bible appeared.  He went back to the old pastor to beg again.  This time the pastor said,  "If you're serious, then you should not only kneel down and pray to the Lord, you should also fast and weep.  The more you weep the sooner you'll get a Bible."

For months, he fasted and wept and pleaded with God for a Bible.  His parents were afraid he was losing his mind.  But then, in a miraculous way (read the book to find out how), God gave him the heavenly book he had so been longing for.  He didn't let the old Bible out of his site, and he read it all day every day whenever he had a chance.  This is how he explains it:

In the beginning, reading my Bible wasn't easy because I had only received three years of education.  Furthermore, my Bible was in the traditional Chinese script, while I had learned the simplified characters.  I found a dictionary and painstakingly looked up one character at a time as I advanced through the Bible.   

Finally I finished reading through the whole Bible, so I started to memorize one chapter per day.  After 28 days I had memorized the whole Gospel of Matthew.  I quickly read through the three other Gospels before preceding to the Book of Acts and started to memorize it.

What?  You've got to be kidding me?  How lackadaisical am I?  How much do I take for granted?

Not only do I have several Bibles here with me in Taiwan, I have several back in the States in storage.  And, not only do I have many of them, I have never once in all my buying and receiving of Bibles thought anything close to the fact that the only way I could get such a heavenly book is if God, in his sovereignty, provided one for me.  (Of course he has/did--he has blessed me with many, but have I ever once given him the credit for me being able to have his teachings to read?  No, rather I have just purchased them as I would have any other book at a bookstore.  Oh, except I do get to pick out what color leather I like best for the outside.)

And not only do I have lots of Bibles, and not only have I never given God the credit for being the only reason I could have so many heavenly books, I have never fasted, wept, and knelt in prayer for months pleading with God for anything.

Furthermore, as I read this autobiography, I was also convicted with my lack of hunger for God's words.  Reading my Bible is something I must discipline myself to do, not something I crave and must munch on during every free minute.  Memorizing scripture is a discipline I have decided to work on this year--first by contemplating memorizing a short collection of verses, then by thinking about a verse a day until I had whole chapters and perhaps a book memorized.  But this teenager, a brand new believer with only three years of education, is memorizing whole chapters in one day, able to memorize the entire book of Matthew in less than a month! 

God is sheer mercy and grace; not easily angered, he's rich in love. He doesn't endlessly nag and scold, nor hold grudges forever.  He doesn't treat us as our sins deserve, nor pay us back in full for our wrongs.  As high as heaven is over the earth, so strong is his love to those who fear him.  And as far as sunrise is from sunset, he has separated us from our sins. As parents feel for their children, God feels for those who fear him.  (Psalm 103:8-14)

Oh!  I am so thankful God is like this!!

Oh, Heavenly Father you are sheer mercy, sheer grace, rich in love.  Forgive me for not craving your Word as I should.  Please place inside of me a burning hunger for your Words.  Thank you for being longsuffering, and quick to forgive and full of compassion.  Thank you for your strong love for me.

the beauty of order

When I listen to music, I enjoy the beauty of order.

When I see art work by Piet Mondrian, I appreciate the beauty of order.

When I think about the food chain or the intricacies of the human body, I marvel at the beauty of order.

When there are directions to follow, I am thankful for the beauty of order.

When I create a syllabus or make lesson plans, I love the beauty of order.

When I find places for things and things in their places, I enjoy the beauty of order.

I am thankful for order.  I like order.  It really is beautiful.

I like it when things follow an expected pattern.  I like that I can't wrap my mind around the amazingly complex and elaborate order of things in our universe.  I like listening to and gazing at wonderful artistic materpieces which exisit because of order.

Order is peaceful and calming.  But even the words that mean the opposite of order sound like they are confused themselves: cacophony, discombobulation, pandemonium, hubbub, hullabaloo, and so on.

The very fact that there is even a little order in such a chaotic, sinful world makes me want to praise the One who created it (order) in the first place!  He gives us such wonderful things to enjoy and the beauty of order is just one of them! 

back to school

Our spring semester started this Wednesday.  Our semester goes from the beginning of March to the first week of July.

This semester I am teaching:

• Writing 4 (which is about the academic essay),



• Business English Conversation 2 and 4 (two different 3 hour courses),



• Public Speaking 2,



• Songs, Chants, & Rhymes for English Teaching, and



• Advanced English Conversation with American Movies. 

That makes a total of 16 teaching hours.  I then have a few office hours and other "at school" responsibilities.  But all in all, I can't complain.  I get paid to do what I love and it doesn't demand my every waking minute. :)

Below are some pictures of me and one of my classes taken last semester (when I was being observed by all the teachers in the department--in some pics you can see the other teachers in the back).

www.flickr.com

home again

Well, I am home again--the Taiwan home that is. :)

The last two days I sat in a meeting listening to a humble man of God who has started multiple streams of multi-generational self-reproducing churches in East Asia.  We were trained to do the same. 

Like the Father of the son who was possessed by evil spirits my heart cries, "I do believe!  Help my unbelief!" 

There are so many reasons why it can't be done here through me . . . why it doesn't make sense . . . why it is impossible.  But we serve a God for whom nothing is impossible.  How small my faith is! 

One of the things the trainer said during this training time is that we are responsible to scatter seeds.  The more we scatter, the more fruit we will see.  But if we scatter thinly or selectively, we obviously will see less fruit.  I don't scatter (share my faith) enough.  I must be more fervent in telling those I know the reason for my hope in Christ.

And . . . considering that less than 2% of the Taiwanese people know Christ as Savior . . . well, I can be pretty sure everyone I encounter everyday does not know the Great News.  Oh, may the truth of the lostness of the people around me give me strength to boldly proclaim the story of my Lord.