01-25 of 100 things that make me happy

01. watching my puppy play fetch
02. waking up to my puppy licking my ear
03. snuggling under a warm down comforter in winter
04. finishing a good book
05. talking to family on the phone
06. getting an email from my little brother
07. receiving surprises in the mail
08. the scent of cinnamon
09. a long bike ride
10. doing something I thought I was unable to do
11. hearing my parents say they are proud of me
12. getting and giving hugs
13. when my students finally “get it”
14. watching my students succeed
15. a cup of hot chocolate
16. a warm, candle lit bubble bath
17. looking a old pictures
18. telling silly childhood stories
19. having my boss tell me I am doing a good job
20. lighting candles in my home
21. decorating for Christmas
22. baking cookies
23. having clean sheets to sleep on
24. talking to my friends
25. writing something I think is well written

Today was a bad day

Oh me. . . not good.  I overslept this morning, but awoke with a terrible head ache.  You know the kind over one eye where you don't want to eat, don't wanna see light, and don't wanna hear a single sound.  It was bad. 

What was worse . . . is that I woke at about 9:45, but I had classes starting from 8:00!  Oh dear.  AND, to make matters worse, last week I had lectured them all on the importance of being on time.

I guess sometimes things our out of our hands.  But, I feel terrible--physically and in the "i'm sorry" sense of the word.  I also had to cancel a party for this afternoon. :( 

Yep.  Today was a bad day. 

started cataloging yesterday

There was a time when I actually started to put the library of congress numbers on the spines of my books and arrange them in that order. Rumor has it, the First Lady kept her books arranged like this too.

It was too time consuming for me to continue that project, but using librarything sounds like something I would benefit from and could do easily.

Currently all books in my bedroom and living room have been added. Now to do my study . . . uh that will take awhile!

To click this goal off, I will have all books that i own in taiwan on my librarything. Not sure if I have more than 200 books (excluding sample textbooks) here in Taiwan or not—it is free up to 200 books.

However, adding tags, comments and ratings . . . don’t know if or when that will be done. And about all my books in the States—hmmm don’t know if that will ever happen either.

See more progress on: Catalog my books with librarything

not knowing

“Not Knowing” by Mary Gardiner Brainard (1837–1905)

Not knowing the things that shall befall me there.—ACTS XX. 22.

I know not what will befall me: God hangs a mist o’er my eyes;

And thus, each step of my onward path, He makes new scenes arise,

And every joy He sends to me comes like a sweet surprise.

I see not a step before me as I tread on another year;

But I’ve left the past in God’s keeping,—the future His mercy shall clear,

And what looks dark in the distance may brighten as I draw near.

For perhaps the dreaded future is less bitter than I think;

The Lord may sweeten the waters before I stoop to drink;

Or, if Marah must be Marah, He will stand beside its brink.

It may be He keeps waiting, for the coming of my feet,

Some gift of such rare blessedness, some joy so strangely sweet,

That my lips shall only tremble with the thanks they cannot speak.

O restful, blissful ignorance! ’t is blessëd not to know;

It keeps me still in those mighty arms which will not let me go,

And lulls my weariness to rest on the bosom that loves me so.

So I go on not knowing,—I would not if I might;

I would rather walk in the dark with God than go alone in the light;

I would rather walk with Him by faith than walk alone by sight.

My heart shrinks back from trials which the future may disclose,

Yet I never had sorrow but what the dear Lord chose;

So I send the coming tears back with the whispered word, “He knows.”

I love this kind of poetry. Oh, if I could compose like Anne Bradstreet or Mary Gardiner Brainard I would write poems. But, alas, I cannot, so I am left to quote them instead.

This poem, “Not Knowing,” captures my heart’s cry. It echoes the desires of my inner me. I could not express my own emotions better than Brainard does in this poem.

For most people, not knowing is a scary thing.  But as the Message translates Acts 20:22,  that even though "I'm completely in the dark about what will happen when I get there,” there still "is another urgency before me now. I feel compelled to go . . . ." Paul goes on to say that hard times matter little; however, “what matters most to me is to finish what God started: the job the Master Jesus gave me of letting everyone I meet know all about this incredibly extravagant generosity of God.”

So, here I am.  I am following an unknown path.  I am compelled to follow it. So, I am sending back the coming tears with the whispered word, “He knows.” So, I am eagerly anticipating the joys that are to come as I attempt to focus on what matters most,  enjoying the privilage of being His messenger of amazingly good news!

And because He does know this path, although narrow and unknown to me, it is worth traveling.

O restful, blissful ignorance! It is blessed not to know!

my desire to be content

滿足. . . content.

It is not easy to be content.
要滿足是不容易的

In a letter to the Corinthians, Paul says, "God gives the gift of the single life to some, the gift of the married life to others.  . . . don't be wishing you were someplace else or with someone else. Where you are right now is God's place for you. Live and obey and love and believe right there. God, not your marital status, defines your life."

In another letter, this one to the Philippians, Paul says, "actually, I don't have a sense of needing anything personally. I've learned by now to be quite content whatever my circumstances.  I'm just as happy with little as with much, with much as with little. I've found the recipe for being happy whether full or hungry, hands full or hands empty.  Whatever I have, wherever I am, I can make it through anything in the One who makes me who I am.  . . . You can be sure that God will take care of everything you need, his generosity exceeding even yours in the glory that pours from Jesus."

Oh, if only I knew his recipe! because it is not easy to be content. 要滿足是不容易的.

I love my life.  I enjoy doing what I am doing.  Yet, deep inside I ache for a family . . .  for a man to love me and protect me, to care for me and provide for me, to be there for me in sickness and in health . . . for a baby to grow inside of me, for a baby to feed from me, for a child to call me mommy.

Oh, if only I knew his recipe! because it is not easy to be content. 
要滿足是很不容易的

I long to be content.
我渴望滿足但是要滿足是不容易的

It is not easy to be content.

a compliment

Today I am tired.  I don't know why.  Maybe I didn't sleep well.  I slept "enough" . . . maybe it was just not "good sleep."  I don't like this feeling at all . . . like I am stuck in slow motion.

Well, I was paid a compliment today that made me feel good.  Some students were speaking in Chinese behind me and I heard "可是Amanda不會." Since that is the only part of the conversation I heard, I asked, "Amanda can't what?" The student told me that I had not stereotyped him like others do.  I had not made assumptions about him based on his clothing style and mannerisms.

To me--this is one of the best compliments I have received in a long time. When people tell me I am pretty or that my hair is fun or that my nose is long . . . these things mean nothing to me. I mean sure we all like to hear that we are beautiful, but I know many people here say it simply because I have white skin and an American passport, not because I truly am. Also, I have no control over my curls or the length of my nose, yet I have complete control over my actions and beliefs. So, this compliment actually meant something to me. Moreover, I guess another reason it was powerful was that he wasn't telling me this . . . he was talking to someone else about me.

So, even though I am very tired today and am not going to go do the errands I should do and even though I feel crummy . . . I did have a little highlight in the middle of the day. :)

a thankful heart

Here are some of the things that I am thankful for this year:

1. For being able to be thankful (last year was hard on me, and it was difficult to have a heart of gratitude).
2. For a loving family who is so supportative and fun to be around--I am truly blessed with a wonderful family.
3. For four living grandparents who love me so much.
4. For good friends new and old.
5. For my puppy (who is chewing up my whole home, but offering me loving compainionship as well).
6. For being able to live in Taiwan
7. For having my needs (and most of my wants) met.
8. For being able to work at a job I love.
9. For my students--who make me feel special.
10. For finding out what was wrong with me and being able to take steps to correct it.
11. For becoming more healthy and whole this last year--physically, emotionally, spiritually.
12. For safety.
13. For peace that cannot be explained.

and last but not least . . .
14. For a God whose love is beyond measure and is without condition.
15. For the neverending grace and mercy of my God.
16. For eternal salvation that does not depend on me.

Sidenote:
Being grateful in English / American culutre is a different concept than being thankful in Mandarin / Taiwanese culture.  In Taiwanese culture you should be thankful TO someone.  But in English, we are simply "thankful for something."  I suppose that perhaps this is related to our concept of God.  But I can't be sure what the difference is . . . right now I only recognize that it is there.

HAPPY THANKSGIVING!!